Memories
by Nenerak
Summary: Deathfic   Evanescence's My Immortal lyrics   Shizaya


Orihara Izaya was an informant, his work involved getting close to lots and lots of different people, that's what he liked, he liked to observe humans, he wanted to know all about them. He wanted to see them live, he wanted to see them die, he wanted to see them happy and he wanted to see them sad.

Orihara Izaya loved all of them, all of them but one.

Heiwajima Shizuo was not a human, Izaya knew he was a monster, but in his own way, Izaya too was an abnormality in the city that was Tokyo. He was alone and he accepted it well.

Mingling with humans, thinking of himself as one of them would be disgraceful, if he was one of them he was sure he couldn't keep on loving them that much. His love needed distance.

He knew a few personnally but never bothered to get to really know them, and most of it all he took pride in never getting close to any one. To love humanity as a whole he could not love any particular being.

He knew that too well and it would get lonely at times, but Izaya didn't care. If he was lonely he still could come to Ikebukuro and create some troubles for Shizuo. He wasn't human, it was ok to have different feelings for him, it was ok to hate Shizu-chan.

The informant always was interested by humans, he wanted to know what they kept on living despite everything, he wished to know why some chose to die.

Often he would find himself on various boards, meeting suicide mates. Often he would talk to them, trying to know the reason behind their actions.

All of them were boring, they had no idea about how truly painful life was, they were weak humans he thought.

Izaya wanted to live forever. He already thought about everything, he only saw advantages in being an immortal. That way he could continue on loving humans forever and always learning more about them.

He didn't care about being alone, he was a special being and he was used to being alone. Except for Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan was the only one who was a little like him, the only other abnormality who hid himself in the large crowd of humans.

That night he went back on his previous school's rooftop, reminiscing memories once in a while wasn't bad he thought. That's what humans normally do.

Sitting there on a bench and staring at the stars he remembered about his high school life.

He smiled as images were unfolding in front of his eyes. He saw Shizuo. Almost only Shizuo.

How come his high school memories were filled only with the man he hated the most?

After a while Izaya suddenly woke up from his reverie and was astonished to find himself crying. emCrying?/em

Shizuo was dead for 6 months and for the first time since his death Izaya was crying.

Shinra was the one who told him, he answered like he didn't care and hung up, he really thought he didn't care.

That night Izaya celebrated. He spinned on his favorite chair and drank the best bottle of wine he found.

Feeling sick he finally stopped and spent a long moment staring vaguely at the night sky.

When morning came Izaya was still sitting there, he was shocked to realize he didn't move for the whole night and, even worse, he didn't feel like doing anything.

When Namie came to work he told her he had things to do outside and left. He spent the day roaming around Ikebukuro without finding anything. When he went home it was already dark.

Izaya never felt more alone than on this day and a thought striked him. If Shizuo, the monster whom he thought was immortal died, then he could die as well. Despite the fact he was not human his death was now a possibility in his mind.

Somehow he continued to live, as if nothing happened, he just avoided going in Ikebukuro, the city became boring without Shizu-chan, until this night. He didn't understand why but he needed to go back to their high school.

Unaware of his surroundings Izaya walked in the dark and found himself in the rooftop. Giggling and crying at the happy memories flowing in his mind.

Why was he such an idiot back in high school?

Why was he such an idiot now?

emI'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave

Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone/em

For the first time in his life Izaya wanted all of his thoughts to disappear, he couldn't take it anymore, he felt like a child afraid of the dark, with Shizu-chan dead he was terrified.

Izaya shivered and wept, desperately, before he knew it he felt his lips forming his name emShizuo/em

Damn Shizu-chan, always there to bother him, he hates him so so much.

Tears continued to run down his cheeks, he can't hate Shizuo anymore. Shizuo is dead and he won't leave his mind, as if it was payback for the hell he made him go through.

He was seeing the blond former bartender chasing him as if it was yesterday, but Shizuo is gone, he's gone for good and Izaya was so lonely without him.

emYou used to captivate me by your resonating light

Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me/em

Shizuo was always so unpredictable, Izaya couldn't help but always be curious about him. He was a monster, his strength made him a monster, just like he was, but somehow he was able to display so much human emotions.

Izaya always wondered how he could do that, he was so honest with his own feelings, so straight forward. The informant always wanted to be able to tell others what was on his mind, but he couldn't. He never was able to, because he was a monster.

Why bothering to tell people things they can't understand?

Since his death, Izaya was seeing Shizuo much more often, every night Izaya was dreaming about Shizuo, about how their life would have been different if they didn't declare their mutual hate when they first met.

He dreamt about all he could have told him, things that only they would have understood.

In his dreams Shizuo talked to him, so many things he would have loved to hear him say.

Izaya was starting to loose the last remains of the small parts of sanity he ever had.

emWhen you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me/em

If Shizuo was there he would not cry, if he ever felt lonely he could go to Ikebukuro and Shizuo would chase him and he'd feel alive and if not loved, at least he'd know someone has feelings for him.

With Shizuo alive he would not fear death so much, he could still believe that them, monsters, were immortals, but death took Shizuo. His Shizuo.

For all these years they knew each others, for all these years they chased and hated each other, never letting go, ever.

That was so twisted, Izaya sighed as he walked closer and closer from the fence separating the rooftop from the void beneath his feet.

He easily jump on the other side, standing there and feeling the winter breeze running through his hairs, drying his tears away.

He whispered emShizu-chan, I, I think I miss you/em

Looking at the sky, eyes red and wet he somehow hoped that monsters would never totally die like normal humans and still linger on the surface of the earth.

emThese wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase/em

Izaya turned back and went home. He knew he could never forget Shizuo, but he didn't want him to look and see how pathetic and pained he was, he knew Shizuo would have wanted to see him as his usual twisted and scary self.

That was the best way he could mourn for him.


End file.
